They told me I had cancer.
The next week,they took me to one of the Financial buildings.
I didn't understand why.No one explained anything to me.
I just followed along like a confused,lost puppy.
They sat me in a room with a young man.Olive skinned,trimmed beard,and slicked back hair. He was strangely polite(Understand,we were never treated very well by anyone,so this was alien to me). He asked how I was,a concerned,fragile look on his face. At the time,I was severely depressed(can you blame me?).
I gave him an empty "I'm okay,how are you
He started bringing out piles and piles of paper with all of my information on it.
Long story short,this paperwork made it real to me.Nothing felt like a sadistic,twisted nightmare anymore.
I was to sign and agree with these people.
If I were to die,my family would get $500,000.
I were to choose who my most precious belongings to.
If I were to be buried or cremated.
I had to stop signing three times to go to the bathroom and take control of myself.
Luckily,this young man understood and was extremely patient.
The third time I came back,there was an older woman there.
She introduced herself as one of the main Medhold nurses that dealt with these "Type" of situations.
Confused,yet again.Wasn't it enough to make me believe I had cancer?
I could tell she was strict,but also sympathetic.
"I hate having to do this.I really do.But I know you wouldn't want me to sugarcoat it."
What? Sugarcoat what?
I was panicked. But I kept it all balled up.Keep control.Keep control.
Sweating, shaking,twitching,heavy breathing.
"The reason we're discharging you,is because -due to your bloodwork and test results- there is roughly an 80% of your body developing either Lymphoma,or Leukemia,by the age of 35."
There it is again.That feeling of some sick fantasy. Tunnel vision. Everything was drowned out. Muffled.
"With this information, it would be futile for you to be apart of the armed forces,with such a devastating disease approaching so quickly."
The rest I didn't listen to. I was numb.
Like a movie clip on repeat.All day. It's torture after a few hours.
But,I calm myself by thinking "It's all over now.You're safe".
Well,at least until I'm 35.
Listening to: Daughter-Landfill